Sex Toys for Couples: Ideas, Games and Tips

If you've been with your partner for a while and you want to explore new kinds of pleasure together, sex toys can be a great way to bring something fresh to your intimate life. And they're more common than you might think: in a national survey of 1,723 heterosexual adults in Germany, 52% said they used sex toys during partnered sex (Döring et al., 2020).

It's important to understand that sex toys aren't a substitute for the intimate bond you share with your partner. They're an extra that can enrich your experiences together. There's often a stigma around using them, but bringing them into your relationship can open up a world of possibilities and shared discoveries. Far from replacing connection, they can be a good excuse to talk about what you like, something no toy will do for you.

For couples who have been together for a while, it's natural for routine to settle into the bedroom. For many couples, trying something new together is a way out of it. Experimenting with toys can also help you learn each other's preferences. So why not give them a chance and see where this new adventure takes you?

Let's start with foreplay. Toys can be a great addition to foreplay, stimulating erogenous zones in new ways. If you want something to get you both warmed up before the main event, try a small vibrator or a clitoral massager. These can be used slowly to build desire and arousal. Vibrating cock rings are also a popular choice, as they give pleasure to both of you at the same time. Using sex toys together can help you explore new sensations and enjoy intimacy as a couple in a different way.

When you bring toys into penetration, communication is key. Talking about what you like and what you don't will make the experience more enjoyable. A clitoral suction toy can be a powerful ally during sex. While one of you is focused on penetration, the other can use the suction toy to intensify pleasure. You can also experiment with dildos for role play or to explore the G-spot. The versatility of toys means every encounter can be unique and stimulating.

If you're looking for a way to add a little spice to your nights, games and challenges with toys can be a lot of fun. Imagine a game of erotic dice where each number stands for a different toy or action. Or perhaps a pleasure roulette wheel where each spin leads you to new sensations. Sharing these games can be a way to strengthen your bond.

If you're in a long-distance relationship, app-controlled toys are a real revelation. With models that connect via app and the internet, one of you can control the other's toy from another city or country. You both need a signal, and it's worth checking what permissions and data the app asks for. Imagine your partner's surprise and delight when you choose to activate their toy at the least expected moment. This doesn't just keep you connected, it also adds an element of surprise and excitement that can be very arousing. Remote toys can help couples feel more connected and keep the spark alive.

After play, aftercare is just as important. Take a moment to look after each other, whether with cuddles, hugs or simply chatting about what you enjoyed most. This is the perfect time to talk about what worked, what didn't, and what you want to try next time. Open, honest communication is key to carrying on exploring together. Two studies by Muise and colleagues (2014), one with 335 people and another with 101 couples followed for 21 days, associated spending more time on affection after sex with higher sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction.

Remember, the main aim is to enjoy yourselves and explore together. There's no strict manual, so feel free to be creative and experiment. What matters is that you both feel comfortable and satisfied with the experience. Have fun and enjoy the ride!

The easiest approach is to clean the toy straight after using it. Warm water and mild soap are your best friends for most materials, but always check the manufacturer's instructions. If the toy is fully waterproof (submersible), you can put it under water; if not, use a damp cloth. Remember that cleaning your toys properly helps prevent infections. If you share a toy, use a condom on it or wash it well between one person and the next, and don't move it from anus to vagina without washing it or changing the condom. Washing doesn't always do the job: in a small study of 12 women, HPV was still detected on one of the two vibrators tested 24 hours after cleaning it with a commercial product (Anderson et al., 2014).

When you decide where to keep your toys, think about privacy and easy access. Sharing a storage space is practical and builds closeness, but make sure each toy is in its own bag to avoid reactions between materials. Silicone toys, for example, can be damaged if they're stored right next to toys made of other materials. If the toy takes batteries, take them out before storing it to prevent corrosion; if it has a rechargeable battery, top it up every now and then, because it lasts better if it isn't left empty for long.

If your play includes items like harnesses, give them a little extra attention. Leather harnesses need a specific cleaner and a conditioner to stay flexible. Fabric ones, on the other hand, can be hand washed or put through a delicate cycle in the washing machine. Always air dry them, without a tumble dryer or radiator, to avoid heat damage. By looking after each item, you make sure your fun moments as a couple are always enjoyable and safe.